Wait … I have a blog?

I’m not dead.

Or maybe I am, and someone has hacked my wordpress account and gone rogue.

Of course, posting on the site would draw attention to my untimely, and maybe unknown until this point, demise.

Well, I’m not dead.

I’d be lying if some days I didn’t feel that way.

A lot has happened since my last post (waaaaaay back in February).

A lot of interruptions.  A lot of sadness.  A lot of stress.  A lot of change.  All smashed up in about 30 days.

A lot can change in 30 days:

… You can think that your home is under contract and will sell … and then it doesn’t.

… You can think you have a wonderful job close to your home … and then your landlord gives you 30 days notice because he wants to try and sell the house.

… You can settle into a career path that you know will, in good time, give you the space to prepare for your dream … and then you get accepted into a life-changing academic program that may just ask you to give up that security.

… You move towards the last month of a year-long adventure into changing yourself … and then you see –  in the thick of it – how much you might not have changed.

… You can be pregnant … and then you are not.

I have been absent – things this last 6 weeks or so have not been what I wanted them to be, but something else happened today:

The sun rose.

And while I know that there is no guarantee that it will, it did.  Signalling the chance to take another day and beat out of it what I can for my good, the good of my family, and others around me.  The sun doesn’t know about what yesterday was like.  The sun just keeps doing what it was purposed to do, and it will keep doing that until it’s purpose is concluded.

I find peace in that.  I think at times, it is one thing that I am pretty good at – and something that will occasionally drive Summer crazy.  I am good at the mundane, the routine, the pattern of life, even in spite of the torrential storm around me.  Alas, that is the thing about your purpose, dream, meaning  – whatever you want to call it.  It never stops.  It never gives up.  We may have trouble in seasons of our lives discovering what that purpose is, but it always, always finds a way to push itself into a new day.  We, in our lesser selves, can stifle it, smother it, try to keep it from escaping – even so much that we don’t recognize it anymore.

But, the sun rises.

So … I am back on the wagon … or horse … or whatever euphemism you want to use there about getting back to the business of what you were built to be.  As far as this blog, I hope in the next weeks to share with you some of my lessons from my 30th year, and what I plan to do with those lessons – and where this blog will go after that.

If you’re there, thanks for still being there, even through the drought!

Two things for Friday – One month to go and #QuitterConf

I’m posting tonight, and many of you won’t see it until tomorrow.  The content is kinda raw tonight.

Today is an exciting day – for two reasons.

1. There are exactly 30 days (well, at least I think, considering that February has that extra day this year), or at least it is safe to say that I am one month away from my 31st birthday, and the end of my 30 While 30 Project.  The year has flown by, and to be perfectly honest, I am sometimes surprised by other people mentioning some of the things that I did this year.

Didn’t you learn to ride a motorcycle? – and it takes me a few seconds to realize they’re talking about me!

I still have a few things that I am trying to accomplish prior to the year ending, but like I have posted before, have come to the cool realization that not everything will be done.  I am ok with that, and understand the several reasons that contributed to that outcome.  Regardless, it has been an awesome year, and I am excited about what is coming next.

What has intrigued me the most in the last year is not so much the goals, but the process that this year has taught me.  The process of what makes change possible, how you decide what to change, and the realities of what happens when you do … and when you don’t change.  More on this to come.

Goals I’m still going to try to take care of for the year:

1. #14 Paint a picture

2. #21 Take a cooking class

3. #27 Launch my professional entity website (Note: I am SUPER excited about this one.  As I am sure you have noticed, the content at ThomsThoughts has tapered in the last weeks.  That isn’t because I’m not writing, only that I am writing pre-content for the new site – to be announced on March 10 of this year – something I am looking very forward to sharing with all of you)

There are a few others, but I am a bit scattered right now.

In addition to all those things, today is an awesome day because I am getting to participate in the Quitter Conference with Jon Acuff.  If you follow me on twitter (@thomasvertrees)  you’ve seen some feed already.  More of that tomrrow, and if tonight is any inclination, I will have content topics for weeks based on what I will learn here.

Happy Saturday.

30 While 30: Day 328 – Why everyone needs a little crazy in their life.

Just a few short weeks ago, I did something crazy.

Here’s a photo of me right before I did:

(I’m the dude in the green shirt and red shorts – like it’s Christmas – in the middle of the field)

For some reason, when looking for the last few items to put on my list for this year, I thought to myself …

“Y’know, Thomas, a Polar Bear Plunge would be fun.  You should do one.”

Me, being delusional at the time, agreed with myself. (Well, maybe it’s more delusional that I was having a conversation with myself … but that is a matter for a whole different day.)

This thing, along with a few others (like climbing one of the tallest mountains in the US), are on a short list (within the list) of things that … well … I might just deem crazy.

How does one define crazy?  Well, there are books upon books on this sort of thing, but let’s keep it simple.  It’s a short list of criteria:

1. Understanding that something is well outside your expertise, character, or normal state of affairs.
2. Understanding that the something can, in fact, kill you.
3. Knowing #1 and #2, you decide to try it anyways.

If I am honest with myself (and why not when one is blogging about one’s own life?), I didn’t really think this one through.  As it was, I found myself learning a bit about “ice swimming” mere days before the event. (Also, as an aside, could I have picked a more mild winter for this venture?  I had considered another location and take in January … but that day, it was 65 degrees … geez).

People die doing this.

And please, don’t lecture on how it’s more dangerous to drive a car, cross the street, drink from a Nalgene bottle(thanks BPA!), or that eating non-organic, hormone fed beef can kill you as well.  That stuff normally takes much longer, and as for the beef, it’s a much tastier killer.  Anyways ….

Do you know what happens to your body when you jump in near-freezing temperature water?

Let me tell you.

First, this nifty thing called “cold shock response” happens. In short, when you willingly place your body in such cold water temperature, your body thinks that it’s dying.  Immediately, you hyperventilate, which is the cheif cause of drowing when someone falls through the ice.

Yay?

Needless to say, I was beginning to think of creative ways to back out of this one.  I’m focusing on more pressing tasks. (Yeah that’s a good one)  I’m trying to exercise more to pound out these last few pounds.  (Noble!)  My favorite?  I just couldn’t find one where it was going to be cold enough. (Perfect!  That way, I don’t have to do it AND I come out looking like the tough guy!)

As noted by the photo above, none of those excuses worked.  I mean, if I didn’t do it, I would miss out on my stellar T-shirt.

Which brings us to January 20th, 2012.  3:00 pm.  Air temperature – about 54 degrees.  Water temp – 44 degrees.  Translation: Pretty stinking cold.  The setting: I am surrounded by youngsters, most of which are affiliated with some combination of Greek lettering.  To say I felt a little out of place was an understatement.

You can safely assume that as you are reading this, I did survive, and looked pretty stellar:

The experience?  Hard to explain.  I did feel like drowning.  There is no real description for breathing normally one second, and a second later breathing like you’ve been trying to escape a rabid black bear freshly hungry from getting up late from hibernation.  As for the cold, it wasn’t that bad until I got out.  This was mostly due to most of the outer layers of skin (where most of the nerve endings are) pretty much instantly going numb … so very quickly I didn’t feel the “stinging” cold, but more of a dull freezing feeling. … until I got out of the water.  Yikes.

So what does this have to do with anything?  Was this really a big deal?

Well, no, it’s not a big deal when it comes to some of the wild and crazy things that people are recording these days (thanks YouTube!).

At the core, though, we all need a little crazy in our lives.

I remember several years ago, when my son was just learning to talk, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up.  He stated as emphatically as he could:

A fire truck.

Recent research indicates that self-esteem for most girls peaks at age 9.  Yeah, I said peaks.  The researchers state that this has to do with a more rapid sexualization for girls rather than boys, but I think it goes deeper than that.

While we are still young, we get told what we cannot do more than what we can do.

Much of this is good parenting: Don’t cross the street without looking.  Stovetops are normally hot.  You cannot wear two left shoes.  You can’t date that boy until I meet his parents.  You will be home by 10:00.

None of those boundaries are inherently bad.  We have to, though, be cautious about what we teach our children (and ourselves as adults) about what we can or cannot, in fact, do.

How can we foster boundary pushing in our lives?

You see all the time in the news, or in your twitter, or on facebook, story after story of someone who accomplished something outlandish or seemingly impossible, or, dare I say it … crazy.

Each of those stories didn’t start where they ended.  They started well before:

The olympic gymnast tried the scariest thing in the world at 3 – a cartwheel.

An overseas missionary began their ministry with the riskiest thing they could imagine … traveling overseas for a week (or even before that, giving money to another servant).

The overweight sit-up for the first time.

Real life change often starts with a little crazy – add a little to your life.  Move your tentposts out.  You may never know where it may lead.

30 While 30: Day 308 – Stop letting other people do your work for you. What LEGOs taught me.

My son, Daniel, loves LEGOs.

And I love that he loves them.

I can remember being little, cracking open the box, meticulously following the directions step-by-step as to not make a mistake and have to back-track several pages to correct it.  Finishing the model, however, was just the beginning.  After that came the splicing of bricks and designs with sets I already had, creating both structures that I had seen other places or detailed automatons from my own imagination.  It was great.

And that was just last week.

I kid.

A little.

Because of this shared passion, for his 5th birthday, we purchased Daniel’s first LEGO model – a replica of the Pizza Delivery truck from the Toy Story movie.  That day he and I worked to build the model.  After a few moments of fumbling over the small pieces, Daniel asked me for help … which I was (probably visibly) elated to provide.  I involved him as much as I could in the process, asking him to search out the pieces needed for each step and having him help check my work, scanning the directions and then the model after each image.  The finished product:

Awesome … I know, right?

We shared this new interest with the family, and boy were the floodgates opened at Christmas.  Most of the sets (thank goodness) were small, unlike the massive castles you would find a certain 8 year old drooling over outside the windows of the local Kay-Bee Toy Store.  Danial got several, with the first being at my mother-in-law’s home.  Of course, he couldn’t wait, so we sat down at the table to begin construction.  We cracked the box and opened the bags, and as I started the same routine from his birthday, Daniel spoke seven simple words:

I can do it by myself, Daddy.

Now, Summer and I had heard these words before (and I will let the parents in the audience comment below about activities associated with that phrase that have come from the mouths of their little ones), but after picking up the pieces of my shattered heart on the floor, I let him work.  Here was the outcome:

He did it … all by himself.  Watching him build, ever so carefully, tracking the instructions so closely, checking his work, and correcting his mistakes, I could only think of one thing:

He’s a freaking genius.  Someone call MENSA … now!

After calming down a bit, what settled in me was a sense of pride and love for my son, who through his hard work, frustration, knowledge and determination (that last one a product of his mother, for sure, and one of her best features) was able to accomplish something (not to mention developing his fine motor operations and spacial reasoning – that genius!) that, if I am honest with myself, that I didn’t think he could do.  Sitting there, I thought:

I almost took that away from him.

I almost took that away from him, because I wanted to do it for him.

It didn’t stop with that set. Oh no … no, no, no.

Then there was this.

And this.

Can’t forget these rough and tough guys.

And last, but not least, these awesome folks.

All on his own.  The only help I gave was breaking the box and ripping the bags.  Quite a different picture than just a few weeks before.

–          –          –

In my work, I was able to meet with a team at school to help assist a young child with some problems he was having in the classroom.  One of those issues was a concern that the child had under-developed fine-motor skills (cutting paper, writing with a pencil, coloring, operating an zipper/buttons/laces/etc.) I was in agreement with the initial assessment, until I heard the observational assessment from the occupational therapist.  While I can’t remember the exact quote, it went something like this:

He can do more than we originally thought.  When I began the assessment, I noticed several folks doing things for him, taking his coat off, helping with his zipper, stuff like that.  Once I asked the teachers to stop the things that they normally did to help him, I noticed several skills present.  He can hold his pencil, he can cut relatively straight, and he can attend to some of his basic needs.

Now, get ready for the blindside –

How do you get in your own way?

How do you know that you can’t do this or do that until you make an attempt, take a leap, or commit to a change?

We are our own worst critics.  When we speak out, asking the masses if we are capable of completing a task, learning a new skill, training for a new career, you know which voice is the loudest against us?  Often our own.

Maybe you don’t believe me.  Let me ask you a different question:

Do you have a “bucket list”?  A “dream list”?  Are there those things in your life that you would be able to do “just if …”?

How about a personal example?  Working on #27 (Launch my professional entity website) I am building a site from scratch … from the ground up. – and when I mean “scratch”, I really mean the kind of “scratch” where you take a tube of cookie dough, add some chips of your own to make them “chunky” and call it “homemade”.  That kind of scratch. – The fact is, I am a total web design virgin.  A neophyte.  A newb.  As of 30 days ago, I knew nothing.

Now?  Every day since about the 15th of December, I have been learning about self-hosting, comment systems, CSS, plugins, SEO optimization, 6-integer color codes, among other things.  30 days ago, I knew nothing.  I still don’t know much, but each day a little bit more.

If you had asked me 13 months ago if I thought I was the kind of person that would build a website for myself, I probably would have:

1. Chuckled.
2. Have told you that I didn’t have time for that.
3. Have told you that I would have thought the task too hard to be worth my trouble.

The difference?  Perfection is not my name.  Choice might be.  I didn’t know it could be done until I leaped in head first.

Don’t assume you can’t do it, just because you have never done it before.  Instead, turn off that little voice that assumes that because of “X” reason (I’m too young/inexperienced/old/male/entrenched/busy/etc) that something can’t be done.  Become a student of yourself.

Tell yourself –

“I can do this by myself, Thomas.”

What can you leap into this week?

Don’t you think LEGOs are awesome?! Comment on your favorite set or memory!

_Thomas

30 While 30: Day 306 – Only 60 days remain

Photo courtesy of Rawich via freedigitalphotos.net

It’s been a while since I did a bona-fide list update, so today is as good a day as any!

1. #1 Read 30 Books – I’m not going to make it to 30, and while at first I was a little disappointed about this, truth be told, it meant reading (on average) 2 1/2 books a month.  There were some months that I could do this (especially if I was flying somewhere – seems reading is the best thing I can do on a plane), but for most months, I was averaging 1.5 books a month.  I also had this peculiar problem about adding books to the list throughout the year (for example, currently reading Quitter – by Jon Acuff) so the list kept getting larger.  Regardless, my pace has varied with the heaviness of the content and my ability to assimilate the information.  I feel good about what I’ve been able to do, and since have modified my reading target for the next year in my FinishYear.

2. #2 Lose at least 30 pounds. – First, I am excited that this goal will be accomplished by March.  I am so close, it is nerve-wracking.  I just want to be able to take a picture of that scale and share with you all here, but it can’t happen till it happens.  What I will add to this, is that even when at times the numbers on the scale don’t show what I want, three days at the gym, and movement on other days is changing my body.  I feel stronger, more flexible, and well … better.

3. #14 Paint a picture. – This one going down within the next 30 days.  We have a local shop here in Clarksville that holds classes where you can paint a picture under the direction/guidance of the instructor.  Gonna be done soon!

4. #27 – Launch my professional website. – This is what I have been spending a large amount of time on the last few weeks.  In preparation of a launch by the end of the 30 While 30 Project, each day I have built the habit of adding some kind of change to the site.  Can I say – I love the process!  I am learning a lot about formatting, CSS, html, and the wonderful plugin page on my wordpress.org page.

–          –          –

On Friday, I mentioned a lie that we (including myself) like to tell about how we view the time that we have each day.  It is my contention that we have just enough time each day for what is important to us, but by accident, habit, or on purpose, we fill each day with things that are not linked to what is actually important to us and to our purposes in life.  On Friday, I also mentioned some tasks to accomplish to try and re-align our time spent each day.

Jeff Goins ( @JeffGoins on Twitter ) has shared a few posts about the love-hate relationship that people have with making goals and plans.  While some of the gripe seems a bit about semantics, something that he mentioned struck me, and is an idea that I am believing more and more each day:

Changing your life, as it turns out, isn’t about setting large, unattainable goals. It’s about small changes over time. That’s how I became a writer — by getting up every day and doing what I needed to do.

Now, we can chit-chat about how you have to have new habits to execute a plan, or how you have to plan to set time for your habit to built it, but the core of the message is this … change is less often one giant step, but instead is found in the small changes we make that allow for us the freedom to be who we need to be.  Small moves … for big changes.

This January is about taking inventory.  While I don’t espouse the “don’t ever plan” ideal, it’s crucial that I make decisions, that I “do” different things, to allow all the plans the freedom to develop.  This is what I was really talking about in the post from Friday.  Instead of trying to pour more coffee into an already-filled cup, what do I need to pour out to make room for the things that are really important?

The good news is that this isn’t new.  All the time, we don’t give ourselves credit for the small changes present in our lives.  January will be a bit of an inventory of the last year.  Which habits stuck, which didn’t, and having a discussion on why either was the case.

In honor of The Happiness Project and in participation in my own FinishYear, each month I am going to share habits that I have mastered to free up time and energy from idle time as well as habits focused solely on building disciplines that, by default, will increase my success with the things that really matter.

Feel free to take a look at the #FinishYear 2012 page as this list builds.  I haven’t planned out the whole year.  Who knows what habits will be important in August?  Instead, I will look one month at a time at what freedom-inducing habit I will attempt to master.

Do you think that there a difference between a plan and a habit?

What do you need to take inventory of today, this week, this month to decide on what is worth keeping (stuff, routine, people, vice) and what is essential to remove?

_Thomas

The lie we love to believe about why we fail at our goals – #FinishYear 2012

Photo courtesy of graur razvan ionut via freedigitalphotos.net

This week, you are likely reading a variety of posts about how to follow-through, commit-to, or stick-with your New Year’s Resolutions.  You will also likely read posts about the pitfalls to our plans that cause many “resolvers” (is that even a word?) to “give up” by right around Valentine’s Day (a third won’t even make it to the end of January).

We are really good about making ourselves feel better about that failure.  We tell ourselves lots of things in order to soften the sting of not being able to do what we said that we would do, especially in the presence of such an overwhelming body of knowledge and expertise in the world on goal-setting and follow-through.

There is a lie that is being overlooked, and it is a lie that we tell ourselves every day – so comfortably, so naturally, that the perceived truth of this lie permeates most ideas about time management in general.

There aren’t enough hours in the day.

This is a lie.

Jan 2nd – My #FinishYear begins!

Photo credit to Idea Go via freedigitalphotos.net

So, Summer asked me yesterday what I resolved to do this year.  You see, for some reason, that’s something that people do in an around the first of January.  If I am honest with myself, I used to make resolutions, and have for several years … though I can think of very few that I actually accomplished.

It was this history of (let’s be honest) failure at meeting these life goals, that prompted me to think about and complete my 30 While 30 List, the journey that I have been on this whole year, starting on March 10th 2011, and which will end on March 9th of this year … just over 60 days from now.  So, this year, January 1st wasn’t as meaningful a day for me as it might have been in past years.  This year, January 1st was not unlike any other day.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas Eve!

I have been absent for most of the month of December.  I know you all have missed me.

Luckily the wife is doing a better job recording things than me.

First things first, I am taking a cue from Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff), and taking a reprieve from blogging until after the new year.

To best catch up with me, take a look at some recent posts from my wife:

Me finishing my first half-marathon.

Our recent Christmas trip to NY, NY.

As far as what you’ll see in the new year:

1. By March, I’ll be transferring a lot of content to my new (and a little more sophisticated) website/blog (#27 – Launch my professional entity website.).  Looking for a launch right around when I close out the 30 While 30 project.

2. Excited about a lot of things as the year starts.  Applications are out to TSU and Vanderbilt, so we will know something about #28 (Decide whether or not I am going on to my PhD).

3. I am under 90 days left in my 30th year, so look forward to many updates as I try to complete as much as I reasonably can before March 10th, 2012.

4. The 30 While 30 Project isn’t even over, but I am already jumping in to the next year.  I am participating in Jon Acuff’s #FinishYear.  Take a look about what that is all about here.

5. You will finally start seeing more book review posts.  I have read about 20 books so far this year, but for some reason the hardest type of writing I have done all year is write about what I have read about, without using what I have read as a reference.  It’s been a bit of a barrier.

Anyone know where I can jump in some cold water with a bunch of other people during the winter season?

 

30 While 30: Day 272 – Getting kicked in the pants by Yoda, and why we all need it once in a while. (how I ran my first half-marathon)

Sometimes old sayings bite you in the rear, just when you need them, or just when you’re putting together a post about something very, very big.

While taking a look at my reader yesterday, checking in with some of the folks I have been following lately, I came across a most serendipitous post from Michael Hyatt (@MichaelHyatt on Twitter).

… and I just wish I had been the one to write it.

But I didn’t.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it.  HERE it is.

“Do … or do not.  There is no try” – Yoda

30 While 30: Day 257 – Not “for what” … but “how” are you thankful?

Today is a special day.

“This is the day, that the LORD has made.  Let us rejoice, and be glad in it.” -Psalm 118.24

Some days, that is all that you can really be happy about … at least you may think.

To be perfectly honest, I have been in a bit of a funk the last week or so.  It might be easy to blame it on lots of other stuff:

Time change.

Gloomy, rainy days.

Anatomy and Physiology Quizzes.

Not a lot of rest (not sleep, mind you, but rest – believe me, there is a difference)

It might be easy, until I start to lecture myself like the good counselor and mentor that I am…